It’s also a good idea to have a conversation about squirting with your partner before attempting it. Often, squirting feels like you’re about to pee—and that’s because it comes out of the urethra, via Skene’s glands, aka the female prostate.
But it’s not a guarantee that you will get an orgasm. And that’s OK.
Squirting takes diligence, patience, and multiple types of stimulation. Some people are able to squirt on their own, while others need the help of a partner. Aim to squirt when you are feeling relaxed and aroused—not stressed or tense. Keeping a clear head, especially when you are trying to squirt for the first time, is also important.
For many, squirting is an orgasm in itself. You can have a squirting orgasm without having a mind-blowing sexual experience, so don’t get too hung up on the goal of squirting during sex.
In order to make yourself squirt, you will have to engage with your pelvic floor muscles, which is not an easy task for some people. Using your clitoris as your guide, you will have to apply pressure on the upper internal wall of the vagina in repetitive and fast motions. This can be painful, especially for beginners, so you want to make sure that you are doing it in a safe and comfortable way.
When you are ready to try, you and your partner can experiment with positioning and toys. Some women squirt easier on their back, while others have more luck on their front. Ultimately, you want to be in a position where your giver can have access to all of your vulva and squirt zone. Some women even squirt more easily when they are seated in a chair with their legs spread wide so that they can relax.
Squirting can be an awesome way to add excitement and pleasure to sex. However, it’s important to remember that it isn’t a necessary or guaranteed part of any sexual experience. If you and your partner decide to explore squirting, make sure that both of you are fully on board with the idea.
To encourage yourself to squirt, it’s helpful to stimulate your G-spot and surrounding areas. “You want to gently stroke and massage the area of your vulva where you feel a strong sensation — the clitoral hood, Skene’s glands (or female prostate) and the urethral sponge,” says Alix Fox, sex writer, sex educator and UK spokesperson for Japanese designer adult toys TENGA and iroha.
She adds that some women also find stimulation of the anal canal to be arousing, as can stroking the clitoral hood while masturbating. If you’re with a partner, try putting them in the doggy position to give you both easy access to your g-areas and clitoral hood.
Then, if you’re both up for it, get creative with positions, sex toys and movement. But, most importantly, remember that squirting is just an added form of pleasure and not a guarantee of good sex or even an orgasm.
If squirting doesn’t feel right for you or your partner, that’s okay. Female ejaculation (squirting) isn’t for everyone and can’t be forced or made to happen. Sex and orgasms can feel incredibly amazing without squirting, too.
For those who do want to give it a try, it’s important to remember that squirting is about pleasure and not performance. “If you enter into this exploration with the mindset that you need to squirt, you may be setting yourself up for disappointment,” says licensed sex therapist and certified sex addiction therapist Moushumi Ghose, LMFT. “It is best to explore the sensations of your own internal vaginal tissue and see what areas feel erotic or have arousal potential.”
It’s also important to note that most people who squirt do so out of their urethras, not their labia or clitorises. This gushing response feels like you’re about to pee and is actually a mixture of water, fluid similar to what comes out of the prostate gland, minerals, and a little bit of sperm.
The good news is that most people with vaginas can learn how to squirt, according to NYU sexuality professor Dr. Zhana Vrangalova. To start, she recommends gently stroking the areas around the clitoris and vulva. You might want to increase the pressure or frequency over time and experiment with different types of stimulation, too.
Getting messy can be part of the fun, but it can also be intimidating, especially for newcomers to the world of squirting. To reduce the risk of contamination, it’s a good idea to wash any toys or lube you used immediately after sex — and before touching your partner. It’s also a good idea to wear comfortable clothes and underwear that let air in, as bacteria and yeast thrive in wet, dark places.
Some people report feeling like they need to pee right before squirting, which makes sense — the fluid released during squirting can contain components similar to urine. Knowing this can help you and your partner relax about it, and push through the confusing sensation if necessary.
You can prepare yourself for squirting by lying on your back and allowing your giver full access to your vulva and clitoris. A sex pillow can make this easier, as can a large towel or mattress protector, which can ease concerns about wet spots and prevent bed sheets from becoming damp.
Practice with your partner to see what type of stimulation works best for both of you, whether it’s firm G-spot massage or soft clitoral circling. Just be sure to listen for verbal and non-verbal physical cues, too, so you can adapt to each other’s needs as they change.